My whole life (which is how many persons in my shoes start their story) I’ve been overweight. I handled it ok (emotionally speaking) by being general unaware through childhood and in high school actually feeling proud of my shape but I realize now that I didn’t handle my health well. I had this routine of eating absolutely nothing all day until about 4:30 which was when large quantities of OJ started, then some small tid bits of food here and there during work (I worked in a kitchen in the evenings during my high school years) then home for supper around 8pm. Work was about a 20 minute walk each way to work X 5 days on average so by default, I got a reasonable amount of exercise due to my job. When I graduated, I moved in with my boyfriend into an apartment VERY near my job which ruled out walking. I had a fleeting thought that this may make a difference to my body size and sure enough it did. Lucky for me though, I had an accepting partner and felt no need to be overly worried. As the years went on, so did the weight.
I’m blessed with a fiancé and kids that see me as me, not a plus sized me, just Esther. 
As I think about it, I feel that most persons in my life have done the same, seen me for simply me. I have a mother in law that constantly tells me I’m beautiful, a job that I am successful in and have never been held back from opportunities for any reason related to weight. You see, I’m not an emotional eater as much as a “prefer to be naïve” eater and confused as I simply don’t understand how weight loss works inside my body (as I believe I’m gifted with a stubborn weight loss body). I would often tell myself, “it can’t be that bad for you if it’s allowed on the grocery store shelves?” (minus a few obvious food choices) which in my heart, I knew was likely a poor justification but mixed with fabulous health, I accepted. I also got angry at the numerous mixed messages about what “healthy eating” meant. Am I to count calories today, no…ingest less high fat, or maybe less carbs or higher protein? Each option meant eating different things. And exercise…ready for my excuse? I drive 2 hours a day, sit for my job and sit in the evenings for my volunteer work as foster family president so exercise is much more timely difficult for me (and don’t forget to factor in my role as a foster mom to needy teens which means I can’t leave them alone to do my own thing unless they’re with me or provided child care and your nuts if you think two teen boys want to exercise with their foster mom!) I love walking in the spring, summer and fall and once the outdoor demands of home ownership start, I’m the first one out doing physical labour but my exercise isn’t consistent. Junk food? Yes, I do like some junky foods but my real issue has always been an appetite that was larger than I would like it to be but I hated the feeling of hunger so I would feed it. Additionally, I love to cook and bake so food options were always near by. So solutions may not of been as readily available to me as compared to some.
Once I really and I mean really wanted some change, I consulted a dietitian (in 2007) and formally went on a program of prescribed work outs at the YMCA, calorie reduction (using online calorie counters) and lots of awareness. In about 3 months, all I could loose was 7lbs. Maybe that’s ok for some but was absolutely frustrating for me given how much effort it took to make these changes and how serious and long it took me to devote myself to this so back I went, to my regular self. Yo yo dieting was not going to be my fate so I waited until I felt ready to tackle my next solid plan (maybe a year later) and I attempted Atkins (high protein eating). This style of eating is well accepted by the anti fat part of my body and I can loose weight at a rate that is comfortable for me, meaning my efforts seemed matched with some success on the scale or in measurements on my body. Here’s the BUT…but I could only tolerate meat, cheese, eggs, pickles and green veggies (with no other exceptions) for so long before I was ready to snap. I had no cravings for sweets or salty treats, I instead wanted strawberry and yogurt and a simple baked potato but this would be perceived as a “no no” for someone truly on Atkins. I just couldn’t stick to it although I was able to loose about 15lbs in about 2 months with this plan.
Around this time I felt it was time to consult the family Dr again. It was her that suggested Gastro Bypass and me that felt this approach was an easy way out, a “cop out” of sorts and I expressed that to her (and secretly thought this of others who I had heard followed through with it). Ask me if I feel that way now! So I started the journey which I purposely delayed at parts and dragged out to be almost a 3yr process (by the way, the team at the Weight Loss Clinic are huge fans of “Atkins type” of eating but slightly less strict). About 6 months ago, mid 2012, I started experiencing significant hip pain (in the joints) and knee joint pain and more recently, pain to simply stand and take my first step. This isn’t me…despite being overweight most of my life, I was strong and able bodied to do most things from gardening numerous flower and veggie beds and tackling significant home reno’s but the weight is starting to take over. So, I’m glad I created some delay in this process but I’m equally glad that the journey is now at the point of 3 weeks prior to surgery. Since this process feels suddenly sped up, I felt it was time to start blogging about my big change!
Here are my more recent experiences…
The surgeon meeting…Dr. Mammaza will be my surgeon (which I didn’t realize until today) and he was also the Dr who performed the horrid procedure called Endoscope in December (worst experience ever)!! but as a result of that procedure, I found out today that I have a hiatus hernia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hiatus_hernia larger than any the Dr had seen before. Check out the link for a generalized idea but it sounds like mine consists of stretching that is very large and can pocket much food before it enters my stomach. Additionally, my esophagus does not have elasticity like everyone else’s and essentially stays open all the time (where it leads into my stomach). It left me wondering although I didn’t think to ask if this is the reason why my appetite for years has been so large? Much of what I eat doesn’t get to my stomach right away and instead hides in the pockets of the hernia? Maybe learning all of this is a blessing because medically, part of this situation can be repaired during my Gastro Bypass surgery without a new procedure or any new incisions. I did have to learn though that the entire process could get suddenly halted by the anesthesiologist as today’s Dr came across some note that indicated I was to have a sleep study and questioned me about it. The fact I started this process in 2010 (of attending a sleep study clinic in Kingston) made no difference to him as he believed that someone (in the long line of professionals I’ve seen) recently had ordered this test yet I hadn’t complied. I tried to explain that I knew nothing about what he was describing but it may not make a difference. He indicated no worries about me not completing one (sleep study) as I have no obvious symptoms but the anesthesiologist may pause the whole procedure until it’s done (huge disappointment). So I left bummed that the process would still move forward yet could be paused once we met the anesthesiologist and Kirk left VERY upset. He’s worried about the worse case scenario’s about this entire experience but now he had a few more things to add to his worry list! Before walking out, I was given my prescription for my OptiFast (meal replacement) for a small fee of $300!! Excited the whole way home…watching Kirk be silent and unhappy, made for a crumby combination.
My Plus Size Adventure - Gastro Bypass 
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